The Mommy Conflict - Saving the World

This morning I sat and read every one's blogs. It is always such a poignant experience for me. It stirs up contradictory and uncomfortable feelings. I feel so grateful that I am able to see me friends and watch their children grow through pictures and video. But greater than that is the sense of worldly unjust that I am only able to experience their lives via the internet. Why can't I simultaneously live in Miami and Minneapolis? (I actually tried to convince two co-workers this week who are going to Minnesota to visit - to go to the Leafblad's and Toohey's houses and take photos for me!) The plethora of amazing photos of Amelia on Miami beaches makes my want to scream, "I want my BEACH!" and I want to see this charismatic little one in person. I read the Mommy blogs and wonder, "What would I do if I were home full time?" Mostly I think I would pull out my hair, but every morning (and I do mean every single morning without fail) that I am driving to school, I brainstorm how we could financially afford me staying home part time. I haven't hit on any solutions other than the obvious - have a third child which would then completely negate my salary. While a solution in one sense of the word, not so much in many other ways (sanity for instance).

So I am left wondering every day, why do I work so hard all the time? What drives me? Here it is in a nut shell. I want to save the world. And while I recognize that it is a difficult job, nearing improbable, I can't give up on the possibility that I can impact the world in a big way. I really don't worry about the kids of my friends. Heck most of my friends are educators, but there are a lot of parents that don't know how to advocate for their own kids. There are parents who are too damn busy working multiple jobs to keep the family afloat, to have excess free time to spend reading with their kids or letting them help make the pancakes. At barely 3, Lorelei is on par or has surpassed a lot of the students in my school when it comes to having foundational life experiences that pave they way for future learning. She can't read yet, but she sure knows how books and text work. She knows what storytelling sounds like. She notices numbers, colors and shapes in the world. She has traveled (I think it is fair to say widely for a 3 year old). She has chopped, shredded, peeled, stirred, measured and poured in our kitchen a good number of times. She knows how to run, jump, hop, dance, climb, swing and slide because she has had lots of opportunities and places to practice. She walks in two worlds of language - Spanish and English. She lives in a world rich with opportunities to be independent, to fail, to ask for help.

I love my children. I miss them almost every day, but I recognize how much they gain by being in day care eating well (how many 3 year olds do you know that eat every fruit and vegetable on the planet, love fish and don't know what macaroni and cheese is? That's all daycare.) They get Spanish langauge support at a far more advanced level than what I can provide. They know how to say hello and good-bye. They have multiple friends and learn to negotiate sharing (things and time). My children are better off having been raised by a multitude of people (a village if you will) then just me. Some parents have an extensive network of family and friends nearby to be the village. For us, daycare provides a lot of that support (Monday through Friday 7-5:30).

Through school, I can be a part of the community village for 200+ kids. I'm a sucker for the possibilities.