Health Care Debate

I am seriously fed up with news reports about the health care debate!!!!!!! So why am I writing about it? Just blowing off a little bit of steam this morning. I think that in the end analysis most commentators nailed the acrimony between the parties on the head. At root there isn't a great deal of agreement between the parties on the government's responsibility to provide fair access to health insurance for its citizens. I have no problem being labeled a socialist - or in the Tea Party's slurs a Communist like Fidel Castro - in this case. I absolutely believe that the government has responsibilities to its citizens that includes extending assistance for basic health care coverage.

We have Republican friends, which still confuses me (not that we are friends but how our views don't seem so very different and yet we affiliate differently) but the reason why I could never affiliate myself with the image that I carry of the Republicans is because the party line seems to be "You Deserve What You Get". In practice that works out that if you are born into money and life advantages, it is because you deserve it. Conversely, if you are born into poverty and every kind of educational disadvantage, you deserve that too. I can't live with that notion.

Now I"m just being pissy but I wonder how many Teach for America, AmeriCorps, City Teach for a Year or Peace Corp Participants would affiliate with the Republican Party? How many Republicans would be willing to stand up and say that they aren't willing to sacrifice any personal gain or advantage to extend advantages to others? When it comes down to self or others, I think that Republicans are pretty clearly all about protecting and preserving what they've got and to make sure that the government doesn't impinge upon their right to be down right selfish.

Swim Lessons

The girls started swim lessons two weeks ago. Each lesson is a full hour - super long! Emma is in a class for kids like 18 months - 3 years. She is clearly more comfortable in the water than most of her peers. Some of the kids don't like getting their heads wet and Emma is swimming laps from Andres to the edge of the pool and back again. I am obviously very proud of her fearlessness and impressed because she has already extended the distance that she is swimming. I bought a new swimsuit for Emma because none of the 2T were big enough for our girl. The 3Ts are generally big enough around, but she isn't quite as tall as a 3T assumes. So where are the 2 1/2 T clothes? It is both sad and comforting to know that the struggle to find clothes that fit begins early.

Lorelei's class is for 4 -5 year olds. There are kids who I don't think have ever been in a pool before the class started. It isn't supposed to be a parent participation class, but with so many anxious kids, there are lots of parents in the water with their kids. Thank goodness that isn't me! They have several teachers so the group gets split up. Lorelei has been in a group with 3-5 kids and a great teacher. I suspected that she might not learn anything in this class since she already knows how to swim, but she already is learning new things so I am super happy. Her hair gets a bit wild in the water so this week she is going to test out a swim cap.

The girls count down the days to Saturday and swim lessons. Andres counts down the days as well since he gets to be in the somewhat chilly water with Emma, but I don't think he counts down with the same level of enthusiasm.

It's Just 1 More

I have been thinking the past few days about the changes in a couple and family's life and routines when 1 more baby is introduced into the mix. With the first pregnancy, Andres and I anxiously awaited our baby without completely knowing what we were in for. We got lots of advice to sleep as much as possible and have lots of dates. The pregnancy was an all consuming event for me and once Lorelei was born, she was the focus and center of our attention. Adjusting to having a child was not too difficult for us. More than anything it was learning the ropes of how to always be prepared and how to deal with a baby or young child in environments and at events that weren't particularly child friendly. Or the dilemma of stowing Lorelei safely in her car after a trip to Target but then not knowing what to do with the cart. Do I leave my baby here alone in the car and wheel the cart to the designated place? Or irresponsibly leave the cart in the middle of the parking lot because leaving my baby for even a minute in the car alone feels like a felony? No one prepared me for those moments. 

We have witnessed many of our friends going through their first pregnancy and adjusting to life with a baby. I think that in the same way that many new parents feel the need to express new found gratitude and perhaps apologies to their own parents upon reaching parenthood, similarly there is a realization of past slights or oversights to friends with kids. When you don't know, you just can't know.

Then I was pregnant a second time and we anxiously awaited our baby again. The time didn't really fly by in the sense that I had heard it would, but neither were my thoughts and energy entirely consumed by thinking about the pregnancy. For one thing I had experience under my belt and although I re-read the books and momentarily relearned all the details of stages of development that I had forgotten - it wasn't new. Plus there was Lorelei to consume a good chunk of time, too. Once Emma arrived we had to figure out lots of things. How to accommodate two kids of different temperments on different pages. Emma hated being in her carseat for any length of time and it took months before we could make it the 15 minutes home from day care without stopping in a parking lot somewhere to soothe Emma. At the same time Lorelei was newly potty trained and frequently claimed that she couldn't hold it the entire trip home from daycare. So on some days we stopped once and took care of both issues and sometimes we stopped twice. It was exhausting. And then there was the errand running. The first time that I took the two girls to the grocery store I realized that there was a fatal flaw in the plan. If Emma's seat was up top and Lorelei by necessity in the back of the cart - where was I supposed to put the groceries?

We also have a good number of friends that are already onto their second kids. It is gratifying in a way to see these effortless parents struggle to figure out how to juggle a second child. At least they don't look any more graceful than we did. Again, a second child brings another level of understanding of anyone else with two or more kids. So much for the completely lassez-faire attitude of "Have Kid, Will Travel". Have Kid and Two Kids is a different story.

And now we await of third daughter. What will the surprises be this time around? I know the errand running will be that much more challenging squeezing three kids into the cart, but what else? The car and house are being super-sized for three kids, but I am just waiting for the unimaginable, the unanticipatable, the unimaginable consequences of kid #3 to happen. Really how bad can it be, it's just 1 more.

We only have two friends with three kids. One makes everything seem so easy and manageable that she isn't to be trusted. The other one I haven't heard from since August 2009.

In the Eye of the Mother

I trust that most readers are of the conscientious ilk and have read the parenting literature on personality types. We must love and accept our children for who and how they are because no personality type is inherently better than any other. Yesterday I was thinking about my daughters' personalities and the traits of mine that I hope they won't inherit from me - like being so introverted and stubborn. But the more I thought about it, the more I was inserting caveats in my own thoughts. If they were more extroverted they might enjoy more social ease, but might it be at the expense of deep introspection and reflection? Less stubborn than me could make compromise with others more likely and frankly less stressful, but I don't want my kids to be pushovers either. I want them to stand up strong. Reflecting on the flip side of traits just got me confused. I think that means that just like the parenting experts say, every personality has redeeming qualities. So if I understand them correctly, I am pretty sure that what they are saying is that my children are absolutely perfect!

Relative Love

When I was pregnant the second time (with Emma) Andres and I went to an afternoon refresher Birthing/Parenting Class. We received several articles about blending in the new babies with existing siblings and the potential for conflict. There were also articles addressing parents' concerns that they wouldn't be able to love the new baby as much as they already loved the older sibling(s). I didn't read any of the articles until I was about 8 1/2 months along. At first I freaked out about the super scary portrayal of older siblings intentionally hurting newborns and the warnings to never leave them alone - even for a second. Yikes! The part about not loving a new baby I thought was a bunch of rubbish. I loved baby Emma since I knew of her existence (or maybe before based on the intense longing to be pregnant already!).

The reality of bringing Emma home was that Lorelei was a wonderful, loving big sister that had to learn to be a bit gentle with Emma but also cared for Emma's well-being. It felt like we had dodged a bullet. The surprise was that once Emma was home I did notice the difference in how I felt about Lorelei and the newbie. I already knew Lorelei inside and out. I didn't really "know" Emma yet so it felt so different and in some ways like I loved Lorelei more.

Fast forward to last week and I was reflecting on how my feelings have changed and how I still feel differently toward Lorelei and Emma. I feel more tender toward Emma - similar to how I felt about Lorelei when Emma was born. Emma is now the age that Lorelei was when Emma was born. I feel more protective of Emma. I don't really know how to express in words the difference in that I feel more proud of Lorelei than the tender affection for Emma. It doesn't sound quite right, but the point is they are at different ages and I imagine that when Emma is about to turn 5 that I will then feel similarly about her and save my tenderest affections for babygirl 3.

It is interesting to speculate what love for my children will feel like when they are 8, 12, 16, 21, 33 and beyond. I guess I just thought that my feelings of love would always feel the same. Maybe someone should have warned me about that one.

My Generation's Barney?

I couldn't shield my girls from loving the whole princess idea and since Disney has a corner on the market when it comes to what Princesses look like and how they act - it is a sad state. I much prefer the girls' interest in Sesame Street, but seriously - Elmo drives me nuts. Emma in particular is enamored with Elmo (who she called Nemo for several months). I can't understand half of what he says and the tone and pitch of his voice drives me insane. I want to scream listening to it.

Today we went to the library and checked out a CD of Elmo in Grouchland. We listened to it the entire way home (agony!) and then finished it up inside. The girls loved it. I am returning it tomorrow because I do not love my children more than my sanity. In reflection, I wondered if my feelings for Elmo are analogous to the feelings many parents had for Barney and his annoying hold over their children.

Farmer Lorelei

Yesterday afternoon Lorelei told me that she wants to be a farmer when she grows up. That was a new idea. Previously she has said that she wanted to be a Princess or a Teacher when she grows up. She I asked her what she would grow. "Plants." She was much more enthusiastic about caring for animals and specifically milking cows. I don't really know where the recent interest has come from. I told Lorelei that there are lots of farms in Iowa. "I'm not going to live in Iowa. It's cold there!" was her response. Florida and California both have lots of agriculture, too, I assured her. Oh she is staying in Florida she said. "Forever?" I asked. No, not forever. At some point she wants to move to Texas to be with her cousin Sofia. She could be a farmer/rancher there too.

The continuation of the conversation was that she would have three kids, a mix of boys and girls, because nobody needs more than three kids. Hmmmm... I explained that while we might only have three kids in our family that doesn't make it the magic number for every family. I was interested to hear her more recent thoughts on the matter because previously she was up to 4 girls and 3 boys.