It's Just 1 More

I have been thinking the past few days about the changes in a couple and family's life and routines when 1 more baby is introduced into the mix. With the first pregnancy, Andres and I anxiously awaited our baby without completely knowing what we were in for. We got lots of advice to sleep as much as possible and have lots of dates. The pregnancy was an all consuming event for me and once Lorelei was born, she was the focus and center of our attention. Adjusting to having a child was not too difficult for us. More than anything it was learning the ropes of how to always be prepared and how to deal with a baby or young child in environments and at events that weren't particularly child friendly. Or the dilemma of stowing Lorelei safely in her car after a trip to Target but then not knowing what to do with the cart. Do I leave my baby here alone in the car and wheel the cart to the designated place? Or irresponsibly leave the cart in the middle of the parking lot because leaving my baby for even a minute in the car alone feels like a felony? No one prepared me for those moments. 

We have witnessed many of our friends going through their first pregnancy and adjusting to life with a baby. I think that in the same way that many new parents feel the need to express new found gratitude and perhaps apologies to their own parents upon reaching parenthood, similarly there is a realization of past slights or oversights to friends with kids. When you don't know, you just can't know.

Then I was pregnant a second time and we anxiously awaited our baby again. The time didn't really fly by in the sense that I had heard it would, but neither were my thoughts and energy entirely consumed by thinking about the pregnancy. For one thing I had experience under my belt and although I re-read the books and momentarily relearned all the details of stages of development that I had forgotten - it wasn't new. Plus there was Lorelei to consume a good chunk of time, too. Once Emma arrived we had to figure out lots of things. How to accommodate two kids of different temperments on different pages. Emma hated being in her carseat for any length of time and it took months before we could make it the 15 minutes home from day care without stopping in a parking lot somewhere to soothe Emma. At the same time Lorelei was newly potty trained and frequently claimed that she couldn't hold it the entire trip home from daycare. So on some days we stopped once and took care of both issues and sometimes we stopped twice. It was exhausting. And then there was the errand running. The first time that I took the two girls to the grocery store I realized that there was a fatal flaw in the plan. If Emma's seat was up top and Lorelei by necessity in the back of the cart - where was I supposed to put the groceries?

We also have a good number of friends that are already onto their second kids. It is gratifying in a way to see these effortless parents struggle to figure out how to juggle a second child. At least they don't look any more graceful than we did. Again, a second child brings another level of understanding of anyone else with two or more kids. So much for the completely lassez-faire attitude of "Have Kid, Will Travel". Have Kid and Two Kids is a different story.

And now we await of third daughter. What will the surprises be this time around? I know the errand running will be that much more challenging squeezing three kids into the cart, but what else? The car and house are being super-sized for three kids, but I am just waiting for the unimaginable, the unanticipatable, the unimaginable consequences of kid #3 to happen. Really how bad can it be, it's just 1 more.

We only have two friends with three kids. One makes everything seem so easy and manageable that she isn't to be trusted. The other one I haven't heard from since August 2009.