Relative Love

When I was pregnant the second time (with Emma) Andres and I went to an afternoon refresher Birthing/Parenting Class. We received several articles about blending in the new babies with existing siblings and the potential for conflict. There were also articles addressing parents' concerns that they wouldn't be able to love the new baby as much as they already loved the older sibling(s). I didn't read any of the articles until I was about 8 1/2 months along. At first I freaked out about the super scary portrayal of older siblings intentionally hurting newborns and the warnings to never leave them alone - even for a second. Yikes! The part about not loving a new baby I thought was a bunch of rubbish. I loved baby Emma since I knew of her existence (or maybe before based on the intense longing to be pregnant already!).

The reality of bringing Emma home was that Lorelei was a wonderful, loving big sister that had to learn to be a bit gentle with Emma but also cared for Emma's well-being. It felt like we had dodged a bullet. The surprise was that once Emma was home I did notice the difference in how I felt about Lorelei and the newbie. I already knew Lorelei inside and out. I didn't really "know" Emma yet so it felt so different and in some ways like I loved Lorelei more.

Fast forward to last week and I was reflecting on how my feelings have changed and how I still feel differently toward Lorelei and Emma. I feel more tender toward Emma - similar to how I felt about Lorelei when Emma was born. Emma is now the age that Lorelei was when Emma was born. I feel more protective of Emma. I don't really know how to express in words the difference in that I feel more proud of Lorelei than the tender affection for Emma. It doesn't sound quite right, but the point is they are at different ages and I imagine that when Emma is about to turn 5 that I will then feel similarly about her and save my tenderest affections for babygirl 3.

It is interesting to speculate what love for my children will feel like when they are 8, 12, 16, 21, 33 and beyond. I guess I just thought that my feelings of love would always feel the same. Maybe someone should have warned me about that one.